1 Year in Germany
With the current measures against the spread of the Corona virus in Germany in place, I’ve been having more than enough time to reflect on this first year living overseas. Moments of nostalgia have swept over me, as I looked back at my journey, emotional and otherwise, that has gone by in the blink of an eye.
It wasn’t easy at all to leave. As the date of departure approached, I began to emotionally come to terms with the finality of my decision made years ago. Despite trying my very best, I had to accept that it wasn’t going to work out for me in Singapore. I thought of how with time, the memory of me and my music would quickly fade into nothingness if it hadn’t already, save for close friends and family. To leave the home that I’ve known all my life in exchange for a great unknown was heart-wrenching.
I remember randomly bursting into tears a few times, as I packed away things that represented the different phases in my life. I knew that this would be wholly different from the excitement a bright eyed teenager would experience. This wasn't some 3 year long adventure for me. Even if I did fly to Singapore for a visit, it wouldn’t exactly be my home anymore, but rather that it used to mean something more.
Still, I knew I had to try. I needed to believe that a door had opened itself to me during my first tour in Germany and to be brave enough to walk through it. I had to overcome the lies that I had allowed myself to believe in for so long.
Living here has been a steep learning curve. Living daily outside my comfort zone, I’ve had to confront my fears, especially that of making mistakes, and to recognise that I am not my past failures. Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I learned to immediately take a step back, practice mindfulness and come back to my tasks later.
With time and daily effort, the goals that seemed out of reach began to appear more achievable. I remember experiencing so much anxiety before taking a simple entrance exam for IIK. 10 months later, I scored a 3 for the DSH (for folks back in Singapore, that’s basically A1 for A levels German!) and occasionally receive compliments for my command of the language.
Not everyone gets this opportunity to seek a better life somewhere else. Instead, most people simply resign themselves to their fate and try to make the best of what they have. I’m extremely grateful for the support to do so, especially that from my mother and Laura. I honestly don’t know how I could’ve done it without them. I realise the privilege that I’ve been given, because it would’ve been so easy to choose not to ever leave. I don’t want to waste any bit of it.
Looking back, I can see that I’ve grown and achieved so much. I feel assured that with hard work, I can overcome anything, even #TerribleLuck.
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