Life at Zero
Huge thanks to everyone who took the time to read my last post about the digital semester. In this next round of emotional unpacking, I’d like to talk about something music related.
When it rains, it pours.
As I was dealing with my emotions concerning admission to university, my digital distributor informed me that they were letting me go. While I totally understood that the amount of sales didn’t justify the work to distribute it any longer, I was honestly heartbroken. Somehow, in the crazy world that is my mind, it felt like the last string that tied me to music in Singapore had finally given way and I was all on my own.
To make matters worse, as I was already struggling emotionally to the point that I didn’t want to leave my bed, I procrastinated too long on moving my catalogue to another distributor. This meant that my songs would’ve been entirely removed from the Internet. When uploaded again, the play count for each would then be a big fat zero. This would mean an even greater uphill battle to book shows in the future, because said play count acts as a determining factor for bookers when taking on lesser known acts.
Eventually, I decided that maintaining the online presence of my music was still important to me and signed up with a distributor that would require the least amount of upfront costs from me. My catalogue was thankfully moved without said play count being affected. I guess I have my mother’s prayers to thank!
Zero is only a number.
Through this experience, it made me realise something about who I’ve become over the years. Since when did I give so much power to a number that I let it define my self worth? Since when did I start comparing my play count with that of others and constantly label myself as irrelevant and not even a has-been, but a never-been?
I chose to begin affirming myself. Sure, numbers don’t lie, but so what if it’s a big fat zero? While it would mean that no one has played my music on Spotify, it doesn’t determine the worth of my music. I decide that for myself. Others are free to define me based on statistics, be it for work or otherwise, but I must choose not to live my life according to someone else’s standards.
Is streaming actually worth it?
I wondered if I could’ve earned more by simply sticking with CDBaby, who I signed up with initially to get my music on Spotify years ago. I did a quick calculation and realised that after having to move my catalogue this year, I made a total of USD $26 from streaming. 26 fucking dollars. After all these years. Is streaming actually worth it? Will the winner always be these corporations, who didn’t have to invest a single cent in the creation of these songs? Maybe I really should’ve not left CDBaby in the first place!
That being said, I don’t believe in ever adopting an “us vs them” mentality. After all, it is a business where a service is provided. I guess the big lesson for the young and aspiring musicians who are reading this is, that you need to be sure whether this exchange will be fair to you in the long run. Just as they are willing to let you go, you can choose to stop using their services if it’s not working out for you. You can even decide to not stream your music and instead exclusively use Bandcamp, whose model in my opinion has been fair to musicians since its inception?
Sure, it sounds cool that more people all over the world can discover your music and hopefully become ardent supporters, but don’t be too quick to sign up with that “next tier” of digital distribution services just because they approached you to. Priority features on Spotify sound great, but they can only amplify what you already have. Focus instead on growing a committed follower base, who will support you, no matter what platforms come and go.
[Update, 2 weeks after I penned this post:
The folks at CDBaby have since kindly given me a 50% discount on submission fees for my entire discography. I am very grateful for the help, especially in these trying times =) #notsponsored
Sadly, it doesn’t change the fact that streaming my music has generated very little income for me over the years. ]
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