Goodbye Göttingen, Hello Paderborn
So if you didn’t know, my summer - and life in general here - didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. Though I tried, I couldn’t get a place for the course I wanted at the university in Göttingen, which meant that I had to move to Paderborn as soon as possible, since I was enrolled at its university since April.
As if the logistics of moving to another city wasn’t stressful enough, I also had to process my emotions surrounding the big move.
I was angry.
I couldn’t understand why I was rejected by the university in Göttingen. The reasons given to me made no sense. The university in Paderborn accepted me, so why couldn’t they do the same? I cursed and swore at everyone who had decided against me, hoping that they would experience as much discomfort and grief as they had caused me. What was supposed to be a turning point, had become just another bitter rejection.
I was afraid.
Paderborn was a city I had picked on a whim, an unnecessary backup plan, because I was so sure that I would get into the university in Göttingen, so long as I’d passed the DSH. Now that I had no choice but to move there, it was a place representing a future filled with uncertainty. I didn’t choose to leave Singapore for this city. I don’t know anyone there. Will I make any friends at university, something that I’ve found to be more difficult as I’ve grown older, despite another digital semester and my lack of proficiency in German (as compared to my much younger classmates). Would I enjoy my life there at all?
I was sad.
I honestly loved my little apartment in Göttingen. It wasn’t perfect, but still, it was mine. As I saw the life I had breathed into it slowly disappear, my heart mourned the cruel premature end of my first home away from home. Try as I may to hold on, I know that even the photos I keep on my phone would eventually lose their meaning too.
I accepted.
Eventually, I remembered that when life doesn’t go my way, it doesn’t mean that I have failed. Even though the choice was sadly made for me, I can learn to embrace it. Even though I can make plans upon plans, God has an even better plan for my life. All I need to do, is trust in Him and walk through the doors that He opens. Oddly religious things of me to say, I know, but I guess it sums up what I’ve learnt through this experience best.
So goodbye, charming little Göttingen. Thank you for being the place where I got to meet Laura, for being the place I spent my first year living overseas in Germany. It was much sooner than I expected, but still, it feels so sad to leave you. You will always have a special place in my memories. I hope you’ll always remain that lovely start to living in Germany for every foreigner, as you were for me.
my new neighbourhood :)
To Paderborn:
On the surface, you might seem bland and typical, but I’m sure there’s more of you to discover. After all, it is the people that make a city and right now due to COVID-19, it’s not possible for me, along with the rest of my cohort, to experience the excitement and social interaction from being on campus. Still, I know that one day, this strange new normal will finally be over. I can only hope that that day comes soon. I look forward to getting to know you over the next 6 years or so. I pray that you’ll be good to me, that I’ll always be welcome here.
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